Kylie's birthday!!!

Well today was a very  nice day my baby turned 4 we had a great time she is now registered for school for September so that makes me happy as well i had a blast making her first birthday cake but got thru it! But its just so crazy how quickly they grow and change it amazes me Im so blessed that I have such a great little girl a good life and I feel that things will be better for me this year and that makes me very happy I cant wait for the weekend for uncle Nick and cousin Joshua to come and visit kinda hurts though because my mom or my brother never called to wish Kylie a happy birthday but sometimes I feel I dont really belong in their world as if they just dont know me but i dont blame them we should talk alot more than we do but lately I feel like a stranger to them but I know that everything cant be perfect but looking forward to pretending to be a teenager again with nick this weekend drinking jack daniels which I haven't had for many years so this will be a blast current mood wicked

My how life goes by!!!

 Well another year is approaching and Kylie is going to be four years old from the child who they said wouldn't be born or a mother who would possibly die having her became such a young beautiful growing healthy child so blessed with her I have 2 in the ground RIP Diana and Joshua and Amanda who doesnt even know I exist so its very hard to still deal with that on daily basis. But i know thats the past and I cant change it just make it better for my Kylie rose Im also so happy because I will have some great company coming for the weekend so looking forward to having Nick and Joshua here again Kylie just loves her big cousin here and she just loves him off and I love catching up with my boy always I hope that i will recieve call this week from needle exchange program regarding volunteering cus I know when she gets into school Im not gonna be siting here on my talented ass i will be getting a job so I can give my daughter the life we both want current mood awesome@!!! peace out

Just for today

WEll today has been a little better i actually may by next week be volunteering at a needle exchange program so at least its a foot in the door my poor Kylie has been sick for the lat 2 days but should be better tommorow i had a nother friend of mine have her child taken fro, her for the stupidest reasons and i hate the wya the CAS comes and ruined so many lives they do kinda help to certain aspect but also ruin alot of lives I have been a great member of society for last 8 years cleaned my life up and they dtill try to find ways to bring me down but I wont be beaten! i have some great supports now and friends that I have known forever and have be blessed with finding even my own sister and brother so life cant be all that bad just hoping for a job soon next step its the lisence then will have more power if I wasnt such a pussy driving LOL well current mood is good and all have a good night peace rudegal

just shit

WEll I had an okay rest of the night i guess but i have so much drama with unessary people right now and there is a saying if it does not bring you peace you muct discard it. But I think in the next few days i will pound the pavement again with some resumes, I want to give my Kylie the best life that i can and i know that loving her and teaching her and being ther for her is great but I want to be a somebody that she can look up too i just wish that i had never done the shit i did when i was younger but htose were the hands I was ealt and i played them and turned out pretty good I think 8 years Clean when i could be dead! Just feel i worked my ass off and no matter whati jsut keep getting pushed down to the ground but again i will get out of this rut and make the best of 2011 I had a great visit with my nick and my joshua my kylie misses them something awful and so do I but we will see eachother more often hey new years resolution but gonna sign off god bless peace out rudegal

this life is bunk

Well today has kinda sucked so far my child is sick i have a man who doesnt do very much and I dont know what to do I sit around with no job  getting no chances to suceed in life maybe sometimes i think I just should have stayed High never had these issues before but I cannot think that way i was a bad person back then i just wish that I could get support and told Im loved once in a while i love my family very much but stressful when your the bread winner and not appreciated for it wow sure am venting now aint I glad i have this blog i know that it will get better life is what you make it hard to believe because i sure have tried my best i guess i just have to keep that faith and know that I Am a good person and can do alot of good in my life! and help others too but frutrated today but that is all! IN YOUTH WE LEARN IN AGE WE UNDERSTAND  I think anyways peace

2011 and what will it bring

Im so upset that I have tried my hardest with going to sachool getting my education and getting nothing in return they say patience is a virtue but its taking its toll on me not to mention the people on my back i just wish that this past could be forgotten and to be given a chance i had a great time with NIck & Joshua this x mas i couldnt have asked for a better time I just need to get out of my rut and get on with things and try harder it could be worse i guess but i have some couple good friends and great daughter and familly so I am blessed for that but in my field from things i hear i dont know if I would be able to change anything or just get burned out in the field but as long as i keep the faith and stay strong I will achieve my dreams thank you you know who you are for always being there for me you are truly my bestfriend love ya peace out for now

Xmas 2010

Well this is a new start of my blog I really enjoyed my christmas spent it with the ones i love which meant alot to me i am really hoping this year will bring me much joy and bliss and hopefully a job will come my way still new with this blog thang so i will get used to it i guess peace out